Love is a word that is often heard, that is used in abundance and strength. But love is also a word that is often abused and used to control and manipulate. It is a word that we seek but that often finds us in our weakest moments as we give our power away to those that will take it.

Love is a word that we look for externally as we search for someone else to make us feel whole. But when we search for love in this way, asking another to make us happy, true love and happiness can never be found. If we search for happiness in another and they search for happiness in us, how can either of us be truly happy? How can we make another feel whole if we do not feel whole ourself? How can we love another truly and fully if we do not first love ourself in this way? How can we give the gift of love when we have not yet mastered this beautiful gift in ourself?

It is almost a prerequisite of our society that to be happy we must be in union with another. Our songs tell us so, so surely this is true? Our movies tell us so, so how can we argue? Through both of these mediums, and many, many more, we are told that true love means to always put the other first. We are taught to believe that we are nothing without this other person and that it is impossible for us to live without them in our lives.

We are taught from an early age that our roles in life are to work, to marry, to have children and then to work even harder to support the family that we have now created. We are taught that without these things we have failed somehow. As women, we are taught that it is our role to bear children and as men we are to support that family no matter what torture the soul may bear in doing so. Of course, there has been a shift in this in recent years but still this theme runs deep and encourages many to continue to play these roles.

The role of mother and father, carer and supporter, in whatever way these roles are expressed are, of course, essential roles for humanity’s existence, but our current existence sees us bringing children into the world before we have even learned to love ourselves, let alone love another in a way that is healthy and true.

If we are unable to love ourselves fully and truly, how do we have the knowledge and tools to make sure that our children are able to love themselves in this way? If we are unable to find happiness and contentment in ourselves, without needing our partner to shine that light for us, how can we teach our children that their happiness comes from within? If we are unable to stay true to ourselves, how can we ask our children to do the same?

And if we do not ask our children to do the same, how can we change that which is already broken in our society? How can we change a system that churns out people who do not feel happy in themselves? Who feel insecure, disconnected, less than who they truly are then search for their security and self worth in another?

If we can not change this system, how can we expect to find happiness in the arms of another when that person them self is also disconnected and feels less than whole? How can we expect another to see us in the true capacity of who we are, when we do not yet see ourselves in that way? How can we accept the love of another, when we can not yet accept the love of ourself?

It is in this way that we continually open ourselves up to be hurt by another, as we give away our power to them in a bid to be loved. We ask them to make us feel better about ourselves, when they are still trying to feel better about their own selves. We ask them to ignite our passion, when they are still trying to ignite their own. We ask them to be everything to us, when we are all still learning to be everything to ourselves.

Until we learn to love ourselves fully, with all of our flaws and all of our brilliance, we can not shine the light of love on another in a way that is healthy and whole. We can not see another in all of their magnificence, until we are able to see that magnificence within ourselves. We can not accept another’s flaws, until we are able to accept our own. We can not love without expectations. We can not love without disappointment. We can not love without hurt and pain. Instead we pin all of our hopes, fears and disappointments on another, as that other still grapples with their own. And so, the circle goes on, as we continue our search, in all that is external, instead of searching for the light of love within ourselves.

When we truly love ourselves, warts and all, only then can we truly love another for all that they are and all that they can be. Only then can we truly hold another in their power instead of trying to take it for ourselves. Only then can we shine the light of love on another in a way that allows freedom and joy instead of holding onto a person so tightly that the fire that drew us to them to begin with becomes diminished by our need. Only then should we start a family. Only then should we pass our knowledge and wisdom onto a child who looks to us for all that we know. Only then can we set a true example so that our children can grow up feeling happy and whole, instead of searching for love in the arms of another. Only then can we shake the foundations of society so vehemently that each individual can claim back their right to feel loved and whole, in every moment, at every juncture. Only then will we see a radical change to that which we currently put our children through.

Those children who then become lost adults, searching for love in all the wrong places. Searching to be whole, not recognising that they are already whole. That they are already everything that they need to be. That they have everything inside themselves to shine the light of love.

Until we find this love within ourselves, we can not raise children in a way that they can be truly happy and healthy. Instead we destroy all that is whole and pure in them and teach them, through our own actions, that they are not enough. We must be willing to look at our own feelings of inadequacy first before we pass them onto our children.

By doing this, we have the power to create a new society – a society that is based on inner strength and wisdom. A society that is based on love and respect. A society that allows an individual to flourish in their own power whilst shining the power of their love on others.

Imagine a world where everyone feels whole. Imagine a world where no one needs to compete against another because they are simply happy to be themselves and to allow others to be the same. Imagine a world where no one feels the need to exert power over another individual to make themselves feel better about themselves, as they simply find that power within themselves. All of this is achievable with the higher power of love but that love HAS to start from within and it has to start somewhere.

It may seem that this is something that isn’t achievable but everything is achievable with love. No longer should we look to others to fill our void. No longer should we look to others to take the first step. No longer should we look at the darkness in others and think that they can not be healed. We must take the responsibility to heal ourselves then one by one, step by step, all that we wish to achieve, in the name of love, can be achieved. All of the changes that we wish to implement will gently unfold in front of us. All that we wish to see, in the name of consciousness, can be activated. All that we wish to ignite, in the name of passion, can be lit. All that we wish to be can be.

But those first steps must start with ourselves. They must start with the recognition of the current flaws in society and the desire to change those flaws from within. They must start with the recognition that we each hold the power and therefore the responsibility within us to be the best possible version of ourselves, no mater what is happening externally. They must start by knowing that all that we are and all that we can be is greatness, if only we would allow ourselves to shine in a world that may not. But step by step, as each of us works hard to shine our light a little more, soon enough we will see a world that shines so brightly that we will question how we ever managed to live in such darkness.

Until then, let each of us take the responsibility to find that light in ourselves. To first lead ourselves out of darkness and to then shine the light on others to help them to do the same. Only then will we know love.