You feel a deep kinship with this person, but you have no idea why. It feels as though you’re resonating on the same wavelength. 

The energy between the two of you feels harmonic, like two perfectly matched instruments playing in a symphony.  

You haven’t known them for long, but it feels like you’ve met before …

Can you relate to this strange feeling and experience? If so, you may have come in contact with a soul tie.

There are many types of soul ties. Some of them are healthy, and others are unhealthy.

But the trickiest part is when a connection feels positive but actually begins to drain your lifeforce energy without you knowing it until you’re too deeply invested in the relationship.

You may then start feeling stuck, trapped, and suffocated in this connection, not knowing how to find freedom.

How can you tell whether you’re in a healthy or unhealthy soul ties friendship/relationship?

I’ll explore that in this article, as well as the five types of soul ties out there.

What Are Soul Ties?

Soul ties are said to be the deep spiritual connections that exist between two or more people. These deep inner bonds are said to exist for a number of reasons.

Firstly, some believe that soul ties are the result of past life connections. You may, for instance, need to work out certain karmic patterns with such a person. Or perhaps that person’s soul agreed to help you learn something specific in this lifetime.

Secondly, others believe that soul ties unite us with those in our soul family – or the collection of souls that came to this earth to learn similar lessons and fulfill certain destinies. 

Whether you believe in soul ties or not is a personal preference and decision to make yourself, as they’re obviously impossible to ‘prove’ scientifically.

5 Types of Soul Ties

There are numerous types of soul ties. Here are the five main types:

1. Karmic Relationships

As I wrote in my article on karmic relationships:

… karmic relationships are bonds created between the Souls of individuals who, before being born into this world, agreed to work their shit out. (Also known as creating a ‘Soul Contract.’) Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, karmic relationships, at the very least, can be seen as opportunities to learn major life lessons.

Karmic relationships are typically complex, dramatic, addictive, and painful because they’re designed to teach us essential life lessons and help us spiritually mature.

This is a type of soul tie that generally stands in a category of its own, although sometimes, karmic relationships can overlap with the other soul tie types discussed below.

2. Soul Friend

This is a person with whom you get along almost immediately. You may share the same values, goals, and dreams in life with this person with very little friction. 

Typically appearing in the form of a platonic relationship, Soul Friends are excellent companions on our life paths. This is the type of person who will stay by your side through thick and thin – they are true friends.

3. Soul Teacher

A Soul Teacher is someone you look up to – typically someone in a position of authority or in a helping role like a therapist, spiritual teacher, older family member, and so on.

You’ll be drawn to this person’s insight, compassion, and wisdom because it mirrors your own deeper potential that hasn’t been fully actualized yet. 

While Soul Teachers are generally positive influences, they can be negative, as in the case of those who join cults or get fooled by toxic spiritual guidance.

4. Soul Mate

When someone is trying to find their “one true love,” typically, they’re on the lookout for their soul mate. But keep in mind that Soul Mates come in many forms, and there’s no necessary “one person” out there who can meet all your needs (this is a setup for codependency, by the way!).

Soul Mates can be platonic or romantic in nature, and we can have more than one, although most people will only find one in this lifetime (if they’re lucky). This may actually be a good thing because a connection with a Soul Mate is profound and transforms us on a core level – and this often takes tremendous psychospiritual openness, time, and energy.

5. Soul Mirror

A Soul Mirror is someone who is deeply involved in your soul’s evolution and has an irrevocably powerful impact on your whole life.

Soul Mirrors can be platonic or romantic and have been sometimes referred to as “twin flame” relationships. For reasons I’ve discussed here, I dislike using that term as it has been negatively tainted by modern misuse (and cult-like scandals among its proponents).

I prefer to see Soul Mirror connections as a yin-yang relationship, where the other person will mirror the exact mental, emotional, and spiritual qualities you need to learn how to cultivate within yourself. 

There is a strong element of anima/animus and divine feminine and divine masculine integration that occurs within Soul Mirror relationships – which is incidentally present in opposing and same-sex connections as this energy is present within all of us regardless of gender.

This type of soul tie connection is generally uncommon and, while complex and challenging, is typically healthy and life-changing in a positive way.

7 Signs You Have a Soul Tie Connection

So, do you have a soul tie connection? See how many of these signs you can relate to:

• You feel like you’ve known this person for years, maybe lifetimes
• You both ‘vibe’ with each other effortlessly 
• You often think or say the same thing at the same time (“freaky mind connection”!)
• You sense that you have something important to learn from each other
• You share similar meaningful interests, goals, and dreams that go beyond surface likes
• You feel irresistibly drawn to this person for reasons beyond your logical mind
• You’ve opened up to this person and changed in ways you’ve never experienced before with others

Soul Ties: 8 Negative Signs to Watch Out For 

As you’ve seen, there are five types of soul ties. Some are generally healthy, others are neutral, and some veer on the more dysfunctional side.

But how do you know that you have a toxic attachment when such a connection can feel so alluring?

Watch out for these negative signs:

1. You feel drained after being around them – As drawn to this person as you are, you often leave their presence feeling sucked dry of energy. Instead of feeling energized and revitalized, you feel exhausted or worn out. This is often the first and easiest sign to identify when it comes to determining whether your soul ties connection is beneficial or not.
2. You can’t seem to separate your emotions from their emotions – While this may just be a sign that you lack a clear sense of self, it may also be a sign of mutually present dysfunctional codependent or enmeshment patterns. Ask yourself, “Does my happiness depend on how happy they are?” and “Do I base my self-worth on how they treat me?” If so, you have a problem on your hands.
3. Your connection feels chaotic and dramatic, quickly swinging from positive to negative – If there are many big highs and lows in your connection that occur quite frequently, this is a clear sign that the connection is unhealthy and you need to take a step back. It’s normal to experience disagreements and arguments occasionally, but if you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster ride with them, jump off and take care of your sanity!
4. You feel guilty setting boundaries with them, and when you do, they disregard them – Intense connections can be beautiful. But without boundaries, they can become depleting and destructive. Boundary violations can come in many shapes and sizes, and not all of them are obvious. For instance, if you say that you can’t do something like go out somewhere but then get a call with a melodramatic plea to do the very thing you don’t want to do, that’s a boundary violation. I’ve written about creating personal boundaries in the past. But the essential thing to ask yourself is, “Do they respect me when I assert my needs? Or do they often find a way of overstepping and only put themselves first?”
5. You feel as though you’re not allowed other relationships or connections – Jealousy and possessiveness are signs of an insecure and controlling person, which of course, is unhealthy, so beware! Remember that you have the right to be friends with other people and to enjoy other enriching connections too. 
6. You feel anxious and empty when not around them – Similar to “attachment anxiety” in animals, feeling strong negative feelings when not in the other’s presence is a sign of (a) codependent tendencies you need to deal with in yourself, or (b) an unhealthy relational connection that needs to either be restructured or released (let it go). All healthy adult relationships should encourage a feeling of inner wholeness, not inner dependency.
7. You don’t know who you are without them – Similar to #2, this is a sign of a poorly defined sense of self and a potential sign of codependency. Remember that solitude and time spent by yourself is healthy. Don’t rely on them to tell you who you are, and if they seem resistant to you gaining more self-knowledge because it goes against how they want you to be, take that as a big blazing red flag.
8. You feel unhappy with yourself after spending time with them – Whether due to toxic comparison or because they have an insidious way of undermining your sense of self-worth, feeling bad about yourself makes the relationship unsustainable. Healthy connections may challenge you, yes, but they also build you up and remind you of your inherent worth. Any connection that makes you feel weak, unworthy, or incapable is not worth keeping.

How to Break Negative Soul Tie Connections

As someone who has experienced the beauty of soul ties, I know how special these connections can feel – especially in this age of increasing disconnection and the “loneliness epidemic.”

On the spiritual wanderer’s journey, we often come across soul ties in the Apprentice stage of the journey, where we meet allies, guides, and kindred souls who support us on our paths.

Not all of these kindred souls, however, are necessarily healthy or beneficial to our well-being in the long run.

In fact, some of these soul ties teach us the hard but valuable lesson of trusting ourselves, respecting our own needs and boundaries, and developing healthy self-respect and self-love by asserting our needs and walking away.

If you think you may be in a negative soul tie connection based on what I’ve shared above, here’s how to break it off before it devours you:

1. Determine where the problems dwell: within yourself, within the other, or within the relationship in general.

Sometimes, it is our codependent tendencies that get triggered and flare up when we’re in a soul tie connection. Like a moth to the flame, we become obsessed with the other person, wanting them to meet all our needs. This, of course, is an issue we need to learn to resolve.

Other times, it is the other person who is responsible for fostering an unhealthy connection and emotional environment. Perhaps they are controlling, jealous, have narcissistic tendencies, or chisel away at our self-worth until we feel like husks of our former selves.

Finally, at times the issues come from both sides, where both of you are responsible for creating a toxic bond.

Whatever the case, you need to pinpoint where the problems dwell, and that will give you enough information as to how to proceed. 

2. Define what needs of yours are being ignored or violated

Breaking a negative soul ties connection can bring feelings of guilt and shame, especially if you’ve been closely connected for a while. This is why having a clear reason why you’re doing it can give you more peace of mind.

Defining what needs of yours have been ignored, dismissed, or violated by the other person on a consistent basis can give you the motivation to go ahead and walk away.

For instance, perhaps you have the need to feel seen or heard but frequently feel ignored and talked over in conversations. Or maybe whenever you’ve set a boundary surrounding your availability at certain times, you’ve been bulldozed or had your space invaded by calls, surprise visits, or emotional manipulation.

Consider how you feel unseen, unheard, or undervalued, and you’ll find what needs of yours are being dismissed. This will light an inner fire to stand up for yourself and reclaim a greater feeling of self-respect.

3. Breaking the connection: the head-on approach

Like ripping off a bandaid, breaking a negative soul ties connection head-on can feel painful and sting, but it’s also a quick route and can help you find peace of mind more swiftly.

A head-on approach involves preparing (this is important) a “goodbye speech” that is clear, confident, and calm (or as much as is reasonably possible).

I recommend looking into “non-violent communication” methods to help you craft something that fits your situation. You can also do a quick search online for more support.

Some very basic examples or “templates” may include:

• I’ve appreciated these years/days/months, but I feel like we’re in different places … 
• You’ve taught me so much, but I’m ready to spread my wings and move on …
• I’ve sensed for a while that we’re moving in different directions, and I think it’s time to go our separate ways …
• I’ve been so grateful for your presence in my life, but I need my own space from now on …

Be prepared for some pushback and hurt feelings – it comes with the territory. But this approach can give you a quick and clean break if you stay calm, clear, and confident.

4. Breaking the connection: the indirect approach

I realize that most people reading this may prefer an indirect approach. We humans tend to avoid hurting others if we can. And often, a quieter approach can be the way to go.

But I want to make it clear that if you’re in a highly toxic situation (aka., narcissistic abuse), it’s better to break the connection head-on and go no-contact, yes, even without an explanation if the situation warrants this approach.

The indirect approach is more suited to connections that are dysfunctional but not crippling. For instance, maybe you have a Soul Friend who is a constant energy drain, and you want to move on, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings too directly or brutally.

To begin with this approach, slowly lessen your contact – and that’s it. Find excuses to not be around this person, respond less to their messages, set clear boundaries, and emotionally disengage with their drama.

Often, this approach works best with those you don’t live with. If you live with a soul tie, you’ll need to take a more direct and swift approach as a form of mercy to both yourself and the other. 

5. Breaking the connection: the energy-based approach

I recommend doing this after either the direct or indirect approach – it shouldn’t be used alone as you’ll need solid in-this-world action to break a negative soul tie clearly.

Energy-based soul tie disconnection often involves simple rituals that can help your mind and heart move on from the experience.

Some examples include:

• Write the person’s name on a piece of paper, burn it, and let the wind carry the ashes away to symbolize release. 
• Visualize spiritual light washing over your entire being and clearing every cell within you of negative attachment to the other person.
• Imagine a cord of energy connecting you to the other person, then clap your hands together and imagine cutting or breaking the cord.
• Meditate on forgiveness, as this quality will truly help you to move on and break the connection on a deep inner level.
• Cultivate self-love as it will help you to find a sense of inner peace, self-trust, and groundedness again – I recommend The Self-Love Journal as a brilliant resource. 

***

Soul ties can be beautiful companions, guides, and mirrors on our paths to spiritual awakening and evolution.

But, sometimes, they can keep us stuck, trapped, and burned out in limiting patterns that starve us of well-being and the ability to expand and grow.

I hope you’ve found more clarity through this article.